Are you worried about your child's behaviour?

Do you have concerns about your child's behaviour and not sure where to go?
Have your child's school or nursery mentioned that you should visit your GP?
Perhaps you've been referred to specialist services but not quite sure what to do in the meantime.
Or perhaps you've been told the problem isn't quite serious enough to be referred.

It can be hard to know whether your child's behaviour is just part of growing up or whether it is something to be concerned about. Most of the time, children will grow out of most behaviours as they mature but if certain behaviours persist, it can be helpful to know what to look out for and how you can help.

If things become very challenging it might be important to get professional help but actually there is a lot that parents can do to shift certain behaviours and avoid them becoming a bigger issue in the future.

Types of behaviour that your child might be displaying

All children have moments when they do not behave properly. They can go through different phases as they develop and become more independent. Toddlers and adolescents can have their challenging moments and this might mean they push limits from time to time. With the help of parents, carers and teachers, most of them will learn to behave in a way that is good for them and everyone else around them. Occasionally, a child will have a temper tantrum, or an outburst of aggressive or destructive behaviour, but this is often nothing to worry about.

Behavioural problems can happen in children of all ages. Some children have serious behavioural problems. The signs to look out for are if a child continues to behave for several months or longer where he or she is:

repeatedly being disobedient, cheeky and aggressive
if their behaviour is out of the ordinary, and seriously breaks the rules accepted in their home and school
if they get regularly frustrated and angry to the point where it is hard to calm them down
if they hurt other children and themselves

Why is my child like this?

There are a lot of reasons why children and young people begin to display challenging behaviours such as the arrival of a new sibling, a change of school, friendship problems and bullying, divorce and separation of parents. These things are not unique to children and can affect anyone. The important thing to remember is that as soon as you feel a certain behaviour is persistent and becoming an issue at home or school then it's time for action!

What can I do to help?

Whatever type of behaviour your child is displaying there are certain things that can help anyone when we are feeling stressed, anxious or get easily upset. There are no easy solutions to helping children manage their behaviour but if it is having an impact on the quality of your life then it is worth giving it a go. Change doesn't happen overnight so give it time!

Talk to your child's school or setting. Let your child's teacher know that you have concerns and find out if it is happening at school. You will be able to work together so that you have a consistent approach. Let them know that you are going to try some new things at home and share what you are going to do.

Routine. Set up specific times for waking up, eating, playing, doing homework, doing activities, watching TV or playing video games, and going to bed. It might be helpful to write the schedule on a piece of paper and hang it where your child will always see it. If your child can’t yet read, use drawings or symbols to show the activities of each day. Explain any changes in routine in advance. Make sure your child understands and shares in the planning.

Listen well and be empathetic. It's very important to make time to listen when your child is upset and angry. Try to put yourself in your child's shoes! Listening and soothing is better than trying to sort things out. This can happen later.

Be positive. Tell your child what you want rather than what you don’t want. Reward your child regularly for any good behaviour–even little things such as getting dressed and closing doors quietly. Children with behavioural issues can often spend most of their day being told what they are doing wrong. They need to be praised for good behaviour.

Name emotions. Young children and even teenagers might struggle to understand their feelings, especially when they are very upset. Help children to talk about what they are feeling and offer suggestions if they are struggling.

Make sure your directions are understood. It’s usually better to keep instructions short and straightforward. For difficult tasks, give only one or two instructions at a time, then congratulate your child when he or she completes each step.

Be consistent. Only promise what you will deliver. Do what you say you are going to do. Repeating directions and requests many times doesn’t work well. When your child breaks the rules, warn him or her only once in a calm voice. If the warning does not work, follow through with the punishment that you promised.

Watch your child around his friends. It can sometimes be hard for some children to learn social skills and social rules. Be careful to select playmates for your child with similar language and physical abilities. Invite only one or two friends at a time at first. Observe them while they play. Reward good play behaviours often. Most importantly, don’t allow hitting, pushing, or yelling in your house.

Help with school activities. School mornings may be difficult for your child. Get ready the night before–lay out school clothes and get the book bag ready. Allow enough time for your child to get dressed and eat a good breakfast. If your child is slow in the mornings, it’s important to make enough time to get dressed and eat.

Set up a homework or reading routine. Pick a regular place for doing homework or sharing a book. This place should be away from distractions such as other people, television, and video games. Break homework time into small parts and have breaks. For example, give your child a snack after school, let him play for a few minutes, and then start homework time. Stop frequently for short “fun breaks” that allow your child to do something enjoyable. Give your child lots of encouragement, but let your child do the school work.

Other things you can try:

Encourage their strengths, interests, and abilities.
Reward them with praise, kind words, smiles, and a pat on the back as often as you can.
Involve them in establishing rules and regulations, schedules, and family activities.
Tell them when they misbehave and explain how you feel about their behaviour; then ask them to suggest other more acceptable ways of behaving.
Help them to correct their mistakes by showing or demonstrating what they should do.
Give them reasonable chores and a regular family work responsibility whenever possible.
Get outside a lot and use physical activity and play as a way to channel energy and for quality family time.
Provide toys, games and opportunities that will stimulate them in their development
Read entertaining stories to them and with them. Encourage them to ask questions, discuss stories, tell the story, and to reread stories.
Have family mealtimes where you talk about your day.

Autism and ADHD Pathways

As part of our ongoing work around the Autism and ADHD pathways in Somerset, to provide a more standardised, easily accessible and whole system-wide approach, we have been working hard to understand and identify what needs to change and how best to do this.

It is important that we design pathways that work for our children and young people, parents and carers, as well as providing better support for education settings and Special Educational Needs Coordinators (SENCOs).

Here you can access the Somerset pre assessment, assessment and post assessment pathways -

Autism and ADHD Pathway (somerset.gov.uk)

Autism and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Report

ADHD Somerset

As a group, ADHD Somerset provides:

Information to parents to help them access services that they may need, Parental support, suggestions, tips, and a safe place to vent.
They organise and arrange training and speakers to visit the groups. In the past, this has included a ‘first-of-its-kind’ conference to the local area to help inform both professionals and those families living with ADHD of the condition and how to interact with an ADHD child.
The group also organise activity sessions for children so they can be free to be themselves and find friends with similar interests and needs.